Year Three, First Friday of July
On My Mama
[Prelude]
May 22nd
Happy Birthday to me and momma. You labored until the first prayer on Jumma. Named me "halo around the moon" after the first one you met because she predicted my existence and insisted you would name me after her. Shout out to that هالة for dreaming of me and for me. Shout out to you, momma, for dreaming for me and with me. You could have let me disperse into whispers when my father ghosted, pretended y'all glory couldn't exist in my person. I appreciate your heart when making that hard decision. Me today would not judge you if you did the opposite. I'm proud of you for going about the business of raising me, knowing our divinity was beyond human insecurity and avidly using your creativity to make that more felt than seen. You understood the power of textured things. You modeled in fancy chocolate the essence of being authentic, flawed-riddenly balancing chaos and rest. I admired you and I admire you still. Eyes closed on a rooftop, steadying my breath, while my spouse takes a pic got me thinking about watching sunrises with you in our Brooklyn apartment. How free it felt to be awake before most beings and in the grandest company--you, the sky, and me. - Halah Pee
[Poem]
I cry and cry and cry and cry and cry
and cry and cry and cry and cry and cry
and cry and cry and cry and cry
Oh Allah
Please intervene
When I beg you
To take me instead
Still my naive big head
The one that split my mother's rock
Into fault lines
Her jagged edges spilled wine
When she crowned me
Her soul so sure I'd be a boy
Cracked a smile light wide
Like big eyes
When I looked
Flying Saucer to flying saucer
I screamed from the inertia
My first star encounter
You were so patient
“Awwww you’re okay and safe. I got you.”
How could you be so certain
36 years of learning
A minute in–
Nothing but clinging bits–
I was so green
I ain't know what grass is
And you a pasture
Stretched beyond forever
Always stood fa(r)ther and close up
Like trick mirrors
I cry and cry and cry and cry and cry
and cry and cry and cry and cry and cry
and cry and cry and cry and cry
My knees tore up
From kneeling
Looking like the consequences
Of me running after school
Outside the bars of the little playground
Onto the street spilling wine
And jagging my edges
“Slow down, Pee!”
But if I do I won't have enough time with you
I ticked with your tocked
I hated our moments apart
Even asleep I'd wake to sneak
Into bed with you just to smell you
My favorite way to sense you
Now a days you burn on my sensor
I inhale you and exhale you
While doing mundane things
Like putting on socks
Adjusting the coaster on the coffee table
Returning home from a long day of work
Watching Natalie swing her hips
Making dinner
A needed surprise
She's full of ‘em
Every day a wonder
I'm here with her with you
Above everything
In the home we dreamed
You watch us like your knittin’
How much of us is your stitchin’
I cry and cry and cry and cry and cry
and cry and cry and cry and cry and cry
and cry and cry and cry and cry
You used to throw blows with me
Afraid I wouldn't know how to
Defend myself when you left
You admitted just some months
Before you discarded your vessel
That you were scared
The world would bend my light
Every which way without my say
And you refused to let me retract
Muscles bulging
“C’mon! Hit me, Halah!”
Sounding like Mooney
Your daddy the owner of shotgun Daisy
Spent his last great years in NC
On his soul's soil
He twitched me for jumping on the bed
After he said don't do it twice
“You gotta learn to listen” him
“You gotta learn to fight” You
Both scarring me to survive
Hardening my drive
So much so it took a breakdown
And reboot to come back to life
But on God I’m me
And from you
I’m seed to blooming tree
With all these rings
My halo sings
They can't dim my light
I cry and cry and cry and cry and cry
I cry
Halah Mohammed is a Black and queer writer, advisor and instructional designer. They were born and raised in Brooklyn, New York City. Halah’s mother introduced them to poetry through her collection of books and CDs by writers and performers such as Nikki Giovanni, Alice Walker, Lauryn Hill, India.Arie, Amel Larrieux and so many more. Inspired by those writers, Halah went on to write poetry and compete in district-wide poetry slams and perform at school events. While earning their BA in English Literature at Carleton College, Halah founded and co-led the Carleton Slam Poetry Collective, which participated in the Collegiate Union Poetry Slam Invitational (CUPSI) at CU Boulder. In their senior year at Carleton, Halah was the only student awarded the Thomas J. Watson Fellowship. With their Watson Fellowship, they traveled to 7 countries exploring the power of storytelling through spoken word.
While working in Denver for K-12 and higher education as an instructor, instructional designer, and academic advisor, Halah founded Denver Reflections. They published their creative writing there as well as on other writing and art platforms including the Intersections Zine and the Leon Art Gallery website. In 2023, Halah earned an MS in Organizational Performance & Workplace Learning at Boise State University. They use it to creatively and strategically help people and organizations transform their workplaces and workplace systems. Their forthcoming team-based white paper on design principles within a useful evaluation of a training module is one example of how they balance creativity, writing, and their love for learning. These days you can find Halah writing Denver Reflections, knitting for VDK, and consulting and advising through HIDL and Go Ask Halah. When Halah is not working, they are napping, cooking, traveling, volunteering, and playing DnD.